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Titletown Tyrants
 
 
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PostSubject: Roast 7- England Dragons (Jon)   Tue Jul 05, 2016 9:12 am



You only roast the ones you love. Ahhh, what a saying. What a tradition. And it is the offseason, so what the hell? Let's roast eachother. One by one, we will go through rosters, franchise moves, the draft, and any personal thing you can find funny about the owner in an attempt to show your respect for them. Please take everything with a grain of salt, no hard feelings, and if someone tears you apart, go after them in their roast. Without further ado, I open up the roast of our current Champion, Jon of the England Dragons!




Jon, I would like to start off by saying Goodday Mate! Put another shrimp on the bobby! (Oh, that isn't your people? No one gives a flying fuck Jon).

Congrats on your win last year and past success in RW. Guess what? That shit is in the past, and your roster sucks dick now. I hope you enjoyed your run while you had it.

Better hope that faggy Tom Brady doesn't get suspended, because your other aging QB is on his last leg. An average age of 38 for your QB's, that's a real good thing in a dynasty league, right?

It's a good thing you picked up ACL Charles in FA, because he is the best of a crew that is just horrendous. Is Breshad Perriman really your number 3 WR?Are you going to have to play guys like that?

I was going to take a crap, but instead I just looked at your roster and realize I saw enough ugly shit for the day.

Mr. Bean called, and he is funnier than you Jon. I honestly can't believe you won RW. Did you sell your soul to the devil? Damn.

In all honesty, I am terrified of your presence Jon. You come off as a happy Englishman, but I know you are a shark at heart and tear apart RW on a yearly basis. Your Championship was well deserved, and I hope to simply compete with you in Chapter 1. It is a pleasure to "know you". 

Unleash the hounds, don't be gentle on him, he can take it!


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Rocky Mountain Oysters
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 7- England Dragons (Jon)   Tue Jul 05, 2016 9:32 am



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California Nightmare
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 7- England Dragons (Jon)   Tue Jul 05, 2016 8:27 pm

I am behind on a few of you fucks, but don't worry your shit is coming.  steamroller

I refuse to participate in roasting Jon though. Can't do it.


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England Dragons
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 7- England Dragons (Jon)   Tue Jul 05, 2016 11:45 pm

I love you too, Nick.

love


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England Dragons
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 7- England Dragons (Jon)   Tue Jul 05, 2016 11:46 pm

Apalachicola Oysters wrote:

I lolled at this - the funniest English comedy in years. Thanks Ed - that made me smile.

cheers


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Tarpon Springs RedKnights
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 7- England Dragons (Jon)   Wed Jul 06, 2016 7:12 am

Hey Jon. You smell and I would rather visit Morroco then England... At Disneyworld Epcot.

Also your team sucks. Only reason you win is because you are playing against 31 other stupid owners. If you were playing against 31 better owners you would never win! So it's not you it's us. Hate you. A lot. I mean it. Really.

Congrats on Leicester City. Still hate you btw.


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Maple Grove Mean Machine
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 7- England Dragons (Jon)   Wed Jul 06, 2016 8:48 am

Hey, you fucking wanker! Were you pissed when you drafted this year? You had to be, just awful. You look like a bloke who could smoke about 10 fags at a time. And your team, well, Bergen Brawlers will finish higher than you this year, which isn't saying much!

Oh yeah, Jack the Ripper called, he said he loves the fishnet stockings you wear, and that you are next!


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Indiana Mayhem
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 7- England Dragons (Jon)   Wed Jul 06, 2016 9:18 am

I dont like your team. (best I could come up with for a guy who has the most decorated sig at RW)


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Minnesota Eternals
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 7- England Dragons (Jon)   Wed Jul 06, 2016 12:21 pm

Good ol' Johnny English is up next...

Well Sty hit on it a bit but Jon may not be the great owner we have all been led to believe. He benefited from my initial draft mistake which cost 4+ years, has the revolving door that has been Franchise 2 and that wily Stylianos in his division....not exactly a murderers row thus far.

So let's look at his roster today...

His QB's will probably manage another decent year but between suspension time and old age this crew isn't going the right direction, that's for damn sure. At RB it gets scarier because another aging player in Charles is all he really has to go with that joke Carlos Hyde that people really outta be admitting sucks about now. At WR is when the uncontrollable laughing begins and while there is a sliver of hope that those jokers can keep it together somewhat, odds are Jon is gonna age 10 years himself this season when he sees where this ends up. Could there possibly be a worse collection of WR's in this entire league or fantasy football globally? He has backup TEs so that's not gonna end well...even if one or two of those clowns technically starts, they are still all backups. The strength of this team is at kicker. Ugh, running out of steam...on defense the team isn't terrible but anyone ever seen a team survive in this league by being "decent" on one side of the ball whilst eating shit on the other? Me neither.

As for Jon the man...he likes soccer and lives amongst the hooligans that call it football. What else do ya need to know? Outside of America so I assume he talks funny, smells bad and is a rude cunt even if he's nothing but great around here. Too perfect? I think so. Guy probably has a basement full of bodies of homeless European kids. It's always the even-tempered nice guys you gotta worry about after all.

I'm on to you Jon! raise eyebrow

Prepare to have your fish and chip eatin' ass kicked in 2016 and we shall be judging you on your ability to take it like a man or not. tough guy


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England Dragons
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 7- England Dragons (Jon)   Wed Jul 06, 2016 1:45 pm

Tarpon Springs RedKnights wrote:
Hey Jon. You smell and I would rather visit Morroco then England... At Disneyworld Epcot.

Also your team sucks. Only reason you win is because you are playing against 31 other stupid owners. If you were playing against 31 better owners you would never win! So it's not you it's us. Hate you. A lot. I mean it. Really.

Congrats on Leicester City. Still hate you btw.

I felt this one Sty. I could feel the hate burning out of every word.

It's a fair point about the 31 other owners though. Nailed that one. And thanks for the congrats!

vote yes


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England Dragons
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 7- England Dragons (Jon)   Wed Jul 06, 2016 1:46 pm

Maple Grove Mean Machine wrote:
Hey, you fucking wanker! Were you pissed when you drafted this year? You had to be, just awful. You look like a bloke who could smoke about 10 fags at a time. And your team, well, Bergen Brawlers will finish higher than you this year, which isn't saying much!

Oh yeah, Jack the Ripper called, he said he loves the fishnet stockings you wear, and that you are next!

Sorry but prospects don't count. Give me a call when you've done fuck all.

wink


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England Dragons
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 7- England Dragons (Jon)   Wed Jul 06, 2016 1:52 pm

Indiana Mayhem wrote:
I dont like your team.   (best I could come up with for a guy who has the most decorated sig at RW)

Ah, Carla. That's okay. I don't mind. Remember what happened last year...?



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England Dragons
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 7- England Dragons (Jon)   Wed Jul 06, 2016 1:55 pm

Minnesota Eternals wrote:
Good ol' Johnny English is up next...

Well Sty hit on it a bit but Jon may not be the great owner we have all been led to believe.  He benefited from my initial draft mistake which cost 4+ years, has the revolving door that has been Franchise 2 and that wily Stylianos in his division....not exactly a murderers row thus far.  

So let's look at his roster today...

His QB's will probably manage another decent year but between suspension time and old age this crew isn't going the right direction, that's for damn sure.  At RB it gets scarier because another aging player in Charles is all he really has to go with that joke Carlos Hyde that people really outta be admitting sucks about now.  At WR is when the uncontrollable laughing begins and while there is a sliver of hope that those jokers can keep it together somewhat, odds are Jon is gonna age 10 years himself this season when he sees where this ends up.  Could there possibly be a worse collection of WR's in this entire league or fantasy football globally?  He has backup TEs so that's not gonna end well...even if one or two of those clowns technically starts, they are still all backups.  The strength of this team is at kicker.  Ugh, running out of steam...on defense the team isn't terrible but anyone ever seen a team survive in this league by being "decent" on one side of the ball whilst eating shit on the other?  Me neither.

As for Jon the man...he likes soccer and lives amongst the hooligans that call it football.  What else do ya need to know?  Outside of America so I assume he talks funny, smells bad and is a rude cunt even if he's nothing but great around here.  Too perfect?  I think so.  Guy probably has a basement full of bodies of homeless European kids.  It's always the even-tempered nice guys you gotta worry about after all.

I'm on to you Jon!  raise eyebrow

Prepare to have your fish and chip eatin' ass kicked in 2016 and we shall be judging you on your ability to take it like a man or not. tough guy

Andy, Andy, Andy. Sorry you fucked your team up by not grasping the best way to build a roster in your own dynasty league. That happens, BUT TAKING 4 FUCKING YEARS TO PUT IT RIGHT??!???!!!?!? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!!?!?!

That last paragraph was pretty accurate though to be honest. I do smell, talk funny and am a total cunt. Kinda nailed that...

laughing



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Minnesota Eternals
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 7- England Dragons (Jon)   Wed Jul 06, 2016 5:08 pm

England Dragons wrote:
Minnesota Eternals wrote:
Good ol' Johnny English is up next...

Well Sty hit on it a bit but Jon may not be the great owner we have all been led to believe.  He benefited from my initial draft mistake which cost 4+ years, has the revolving door that has been Franchise 2 and that wily Stylianos in his division....not exactly a murderers row thus far.  

So let's look at his roster today...

His QB's will probably manage another decent year but between suspension time and old age this crew isn't going the right direction, that's for damn sure.  At RB it gets scarier because another aging player in Charles is all he really has to go with that joke Carlos Hyde that people really outta be admitting sucks about now.  At WR is when the uncontrollable laughing begins and while there is a sliver of hope that those jokers can keep it together somewhat, odds are Jon is gonna age 10 years himself this season when he sees where this ends up.  Could there possibly be a worse collection of WR's in this entire league or fantasy football globally?  He has backup TEs so that's not gonna end well...even if one or two of those clowns technically starts, they are still all backups.  The strength of this team is at kicker.  Ugh, running out of steam...on defense the team isn't terrible but anyone ever seen a team survive in this league by being "decent" on one side of the ball whilst eating shit on the other?  Me neither.

As for Jon the man...he likes soccer and lives amongst the hooligans that call it football.  What else do ya need to know?  Outside of America so I assume he talks funny, smells bad and is a rude cunt even if he's nothing but great around here.  Too perfect?  I think so.  Guy probably has a basement full of bodies of homeless European kids.  It's always the even-tempered nice guys you gotta worry about after all.

I'm on to you Jon!  raise eyebrow

Prepare to have your fish and chip eatin' ass kicked in 2016 and we shall be judging you on your ability to take it like a man or not. tough guy

Andy, Andy, Andy. Sorry you fucked your team up by not grasping the best way to build a roster in your own dynasty league. That happens, BUT TAKING 4 FUCKING YEARS TO PUT IT RIGHT??!???!!!?!? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!!?!?!

That last paragraph was pretty accurate though to be honest. I do smell, talk funny and am a total cunt. Kinda nailed that...

laughing


Hey nobody said I was a genius. But I'll take the 4 years downtime to get where I'm going versus the 4 years of glory you enjoyed before this epic fall you're about to endure. Can you take a beating as well as you can dish one out?



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England Dragons
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 7- England Dragons (Jon)   Wed Jul 06, 2016 5:22 pm

Minnesota Eternals wrote:
England Dragons wrote:
Minnesota Eternals wrote:
Good ol' Johnny English is up next...

Well Sty hit on it a bit but Jon may not be the great owner we have all been led to believe.  He benefited from my initial draft mistake which cost 4+ years, has the revolving door that has been Franchise 2 and that wily Stylianos in his division....not exactly a murderers row thus far.  

So let's look at his roster today...

His QB's will probably manage another decent year but between suspension time and old age this crew isn't going the right direction, that's for damn sure.  At RB it gets scarier because another aging player in Charles is all he really has to go with that joke Carlos Hyde that people really outta be admitting sucks about now.  At WR is when the uncontrollable laughing begins and while there is a sliver of hope that those jokers can keep it together somewhat, odds are Jon is gonna age 10 years himself this season when he sees where this ends up.  Could there possibly be a worse collection of WR's in this entire league or fantasy football globally?  He has backup TEs so that's not gonna end well...even if one or two of those clowns technically starts, they are still all backups.  The strength of this team is at kicker.  Ugh, running out of steam...on defense the team isn't terrible but anyone ever seen a team survive in this league by being "decent" on one side of the ball whilst eating shit on the other?  Me neither.

As for Jon the man...he likes soccer and lives amongst the hooligans that call it football.  What else do ya need to know?  Outside of America so I assume he talks funny, smells bad and is a rude cunt even if he's nothing but great around here.  Too perfect?  I think so.  Guy probably has a basement full of bodies of homeless European kids.  It's always the even-tempered nice guys you gotta worry about after all.

I'm on to you Jon!  raise eyebrow

Prepare to have your fish and chip eatin' ass kicked in 2016 and we shall be judging you on your ability to take it like a man or not. tough guy

Andy, Andy, Andy. Sorry you fucked your team up by not grasping the best way to build a roster in your own dynasty league. That happens, BUT TAKING 4 FUCKING YEARS TO PUT IT RIGHT??!???!!!?!? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!!?!?!

That last paragraph was pretty accurate though to be honest. I do smell, talk funny and am a total cunt. Kinda nailed that...

laughing


Hey nobody said I was a genius.  But I'll take the 4 years downtime to get where I'm going versus the 4 years of glory you enjoyed before this epic fall you're about to endure.  Can you take a beating as well as you can dish one out?


Well, all you can do is ask me when my team goes to shit. You know, never.

wink


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Philadelphia Pigskins
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 7- England Dragons (Jon)   Wed Jul 06, 2016 5:25 pm

Holy hell this team sucks. Tom Brady, Josh McCown, Rashad Jennings, Bilal Powell, Danny Amendola, Julian Edelman, Senderrick Marks, Will Compton, Zach Orr... What kind of of idiot would roster fools like these?



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Titletown Tyrants
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 7- England Dragons (Jon)   Wed Jul 06, 2016 5:26 pm

Philadelphia Pigskins wrote:
Holy hell this team sucks.  Tom Brady, Josh McCown, Rashad Jennings, Bilal Powell, Danny Amendola, Julian Edelman, Senderrick Marks, Will Compton, Zach Orr...  What kind of of idiot would roster fools like these?


Team owners that enjoy penises in their butt?


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Atlanta Africans
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 7- England Dragons (Jon)   Wed Jul 06, 2016 7:48 pm

Andy hit on something...

I have played in GLDL and RW with Jon for many years, we even co-managed a squad for a year. Lots of trade talks, matchups, etc and he IS ALWAYS NICE!!!
So that raises the question
a) Is it, as Andy says, all a front so that nobody thinks to look in his basement or dig up his yard
Or
b) Is he bottling up all the rage and one day he's gonna lose it and blow up the tower of London!
For heaven sake's man, go talk to someone, don't keep it all inside...


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Titletown Tyrants
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 7- England Dragons (Jon)   Wed Jul 06, 2016 10:39 pm

It seems as this became a partial ass kissing/partial burn thread, which I expected I guess. Tomorrow will have a new roast, as most are too scared to burn Jon.


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England Dragons
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 7- England Dragons (Jon)   Wed Jul 06, 2016 11:49 pm

Atlanta Africans wrote:
Andy hit on something...

I have played in GLDL and RW with Jon for many years, we even co-managed a squad for a year. Lots of trade talks, matchups, etc and he IS ALWAYS NICE!!!
So that raises the question
a) Is it, as Andy says, all a front so that nobody thinks to look in his basement or dig up his yard
Or
b) Is he bottling up all the rage and one day he's gonna lose it and blow up the tower of London!
For heaven sake's man, go talk to someone, don't keep it all inside...

It's all a front! I haven't murdered anyone yet but you never know...

laughing


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Littleton SilverBallers
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 7- England Dragons (Jon)   Thu Jul 07, 2016 9:07 am

Still don't know how we all lost to Jon last year, especially with the team I see before my eyes!? Jon must be paying someone off, because a team like this shouldn't win the whole thing!!


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England Dragons
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 7- England Dragons (Jon)   Thu Jul 07, 2016 1:05 pm

Littleton SilverBallers wrote:
Still don't know how we all lost to Jon last year, especially with the team I see before my eyes!?  Jon must be paying someone off, because a team like this shouldn't win the whole thing!!

Shut your face and look at my sig!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

winning


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Bergen Brawlers
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 7- England Dragons (Jon)   Thu Jul 07, 2016 1:41 pm

Hey Jon.  Boston called.  They want their tea back.


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England Dragons
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 7- England Dragons (Jon)   Thu Jul 07, 2016 3:01 pm

Bergen Brawlers wrote:
Hey Jon.  Boston called.  They want their tea back.

laughing

I'm glad someone had the knowledge to go with a clever remark rather than mentioning penises. Nick.

laughing


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Naperville Divine
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 7- England Dragons (Jon)   Mon Jul 11, 2016 6:37 pm

Your head coach, Johnny English, looks like Derrick less 40 lbs.


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Morrison Minions
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 7- England Dragons (Jon)   Tue Jul 12, 2016 10:03 am

Naperville Divine wrote:
Your head coach, Johnny English, looks like Derrick less 40 lbs.

Derrick 5 years ago ROTFLMAO


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