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 In the Books! 2017 Regular Season conclusion episode

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Minnesota Eternals
 
 
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PostSubject: In the Books! 2017 Regular Season conclusion episode   Sat Dec 02, 2017 9:05 pm



After another fun-filled day of work I'm back to give ya'll the complete rundown of what the 2017 regular season results are as we prepare for the War of the Worlds over the next 4 weeks.  As has been the case lately, we'll see how I do as I get tired pretty fast now that I'm sitting down.  Here we go...

The Chapter One champion is the motherfucking Dragons...again...I could do a two hour podcast about my feelings on this and in the end I would look like such a twat (that sounds like JJ Watt by the way Jon) but unfortunately that English bastard is too nice to hate so nice going man.


Over to Chapter Two, the Littleton Silverballers have repeated as champions and because I like to pick on Derrick I'll point out the the four teams in Chapter One would LOVE LOVE LOVE to play in a chapter with 3 teams that only have 3200 points for the year.  Must be rough.  Seriously though, congrats!


In Chapter Three, Carla brings home the title for the first time which is awesome except that feminists the world over are losing their shit in celebration of woman power or vaginal supremacy or whatever it is that their deal is so look out boys.  I'm so glad Carla is here with us and there is no shock that she's already found her way to the top.  Good luck in the future Chapter Three teams.


In Chapter Four, the Naperville Divine edged out the Philadelphia Pigskins by a mere 21 points to take the title keeping Matt from a three-peat.  To say that Matt is taking it hard would be an understatement.  MMMMM...angry bacon!


To Chapter Five where Joe and the North Wales Knights squeaked past the mighty Cats by just 50 points or so to capture the cheese..errr....crown.  Todd is fierce so it's a big damn accomplishment Joe and good luck pulling it off again any time soon my friend.


In Chapter Six, the San Francisco Golddiggers finally bring home the trophy but when some faceless jackass in the crowd pointed out that all previous chapter winners are no longer in the league, Han-Yang was torn between feeling less accomplished and nervous about his future.  



Now, some awards for accomplishments or shit that isn't really an accomplishment I guess...whatever...stfu...


Most Points in the 2017 regular season goes to the England Dragons who delivered 3963 points on the back and wings of such studs as Alex "Temporary Baller" Smith and some other people who I don't want to talk about.  I'm pretty damn close to calling up MY Tom Brady to see if he can deflate a certain English cunts balls just so ya know.


Best All-Play record with a 241-35 result is...are you fucking serious!?!?!....the England Dragons because apparently FUCK US.


Most Offensive Points in 2017 goes to...fucking goddamn motherfucking I'm not saying who won this shit cuz...


Most Points from a defense had better belong to an American or shit's about to get real...let's look...OMG...by just 30 friggin points the HERO Tarpon Springs Redknights steal it away from those pesky English smug fuckers with their team and crumpets.  How bout that ol' Jonny boy!  American Mustache Rides are free on this day...wait...what!?!?


The award for toughest schedule goes to the Titletown Tyrants because nothing says FUCK ME than to have all the teams in my division taking money home while I do nothing but lose player after player after player after FUCK YOU.  Don't laugh at my misery you cuntnuggets playing in the soft doughy Chapters 2-6....look at you you cozy smug vermin.




On to the player awards...

League MVP: QB Russell Wilson (Mayhem & Pigskins)
Rookie of the Year: RB Alvin Kamara (Africans & Knights)
QB of the Year: Russell Wilson (Mayhem & Pigskins)
RB of the Year: Todd Gurley (Eternals & Justice)
WR of the Year: Antonio Brown (Silverballers & Pigskins)
TE of the Year: Travis Kelce (Malosos & SteelCats)
PK of the Year: Greg Zuerlein (Silverballers & Divine)
DT of the Year: Damon Harrison (Tyrants & Mean Machine)
DE of the Year: Cameron Jordan (Redknights & Golddiggers)
LB of the Year: Bobby Wagner (Mayhem & Divine)
CB of the Year: Adoree Jackson (Dragons & Knights)
S of the Year: Reshad Jones (Dragons & Bombers)




The Progressive Pot has been tapped!!!  

PK Greg Zuerlein and his 191.70 points in 2017 is the new all-time best season for a kicker and earns a 10% payout for the Silverballers and Divine.  Ten percent of $1485 is $148.50, divided by two is $74.25 and rounded down to whole dollar gets each owner a $74 payout.  Congrats fellas!



The Progressive Pot is now at $1337.




and lastly, let's take a look to see who won the Minor League Chapters, shall we?

The Chapter Seven champ is the Faber College Mongols who went 8-4 this year.


The Chapter Eight champions are the Denver Demons who at 9-3 just edged out the Panthers for the title.  


The Chapter Nine champion are the Southside Spartans who walked away with the title.  


In Chapter Ten, the title goes to the veteran Philadelphia Pigskins who walked all over his batch of rookies because that's what Matt does...


For Chapter Eleven, the Kalamazoo Nukes ended up on top at 9-3 despite being second highest scorer of the bunch.


And finally, in Chapter Twelve the Carolina Silverbacks take home the trophy easily at 8-4 to demonstrate their dominance.  The fans are...excited?





Well there ya have it everyone.  The 2017 regular season in a nutshell.  I'm tired as fuck so til next time....peace!


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Maplewood Doppelgangers
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! 2017 Regular Season conclusion episode   Sat Dec 02, 2017 9:40 pm

Good Job Jon! It's fun when Andy is pissed!


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Carolina Silverbacks
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! 2017 Regular Season conclusion episode   Sat Dec 02, 2017 9:54 pm

Thanks Andy.


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Nevada NightHawks
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! 2017 Regular Season conclusion episode   Sat Dec 02, 2017 10:08 pm

I went to my local library today to get a copy of "In The Books" and after not being able to find it, I asked the librarian for help.  I was told the reason I couldn't find it was because I wasn't looking in the right section.  "In The Books" will be found in the FICTION section!  Why?  Look what the author writes:
FAKE NEWS wrote:
the four teams in Chapter One would LOVE LOVE LOVE to play in a chapter with 3 teams that only have 3200 points for the year.

Be careful what you wish for.  The Nevada NightHawks went 2-2 playing Chapter 1 opponents and gave the England Dragons their first loss of the season.  It's not the fault of Chapter 2 that the Minnesota Eternals went 1-5 versus their Chapter 1 division opponents.  The NightHawks were .500 versus Chapter 1 and the Eternals were .167



The Dragons lost 3 games this season and 2/3 of those losses were to Chapter 2 opponents.  That's 67% of their losses.



It was written that the toughest schedule went to the Titletown Tyrants.  How did they fare against the "Walk In The Park" Chapter 2?  How about a 1-2 record for a .333 winning percentage?  How did the Tyrants fare against their brutally tough Chapter 1 foes?  How about an even .500 at 3-3?  It appears their tough part of the schedule was Chapter 2, not Chapter 1.  75% of the Tyrants wins came versus Chapter 1 opponents.  Outside of their Chapter, the Tyrants went 1-5.



I could go on and on, but for now:
















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Minnesota Eternals
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! 2017 Regular Season conclusion episode   Sat Dec 02, 2017 10:18 pm

Take the stats, take the facts and take your ass....




























and shove em up your ass!!!!!!!!!!

Ummmm....whatever....Fuck Chapter Two!


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Riverside Rottweilers
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! 2017 Regular Season conclusion episode   Sat Dec 02, 2017 11:01 pm

Thanks Andy, great work.


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England Dragons
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! 2017 Regular Season conclusion episode   Sun Dec 03, 2017 12:40 am

Sorry Andy, I tried not to laugh...



but your annoyance made it impossible!

Great read and sorry for the upset.

cheers



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Kansas City Kings
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! 2017 Regular Season conclusion episode   Sun Dec 03, 2017 1:25 am

Thanks Andy, and congratulations to all the division Champs!


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Indiana Mayhem
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! 2017 Regular Season conclusion episode   Sun Dec 03, 2017 8:15 am

Wow there is alot going on in this thread. Bern even chimed in throwing around some stats (per usual not by default)

It has been a tough year, but fun year and now things get interesting. Thanks for the write up all year week after week Andrew.


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Naperville Divine
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! 2017 Regular Season conclusion episode   Sun Dec 03, 2017 9:14 am

Thanks Andy. That was good read.


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Rocky Mountain Oysters
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! 2017 Regular Season conclusion episode   Sun Dec 03, 2017 9:42 am

Only got 2 Chapters right in the Survey game.



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Polk High Panthers
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! 2017 Regular Season conclusion episode   Sun Dec 03, 2017 10:31 am

Nice work


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Kane County Goon Squad
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! 2017 Regular Season conclusion episode   Sun Dec 03, 2017 10:38 am

it'll be nice when I finally show up in the conclusion edition, but for now




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Tenafly Vipers
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! 2017 Regular Season conclusion episode   Sun Dec 03, 2017 10:54 am

I'll say this for Matt #3's minors team... it's easy to be 9-3 when your whole division starts playing for draft picks by week 8, before the second round of divisional matches.


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Alaska Arsenic
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! 2017 Regular Season conclusion episode   Sun Dec 03, 2017 11:12 am

Tenafly Vipers wrote:
I'll say this for Matt #3's minors team... it's easy to be 9-3 when your whole division starts playing for draft picks by week 8, before the second round of divisional matches.

I'll say this for Colin. it must be nice to finish 4 games ahead of me in record, but only 8 games ahead in AP. I wish I would have only faced 3400 points this year too.


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Tenafly Vipers
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! 2017 Regular Season conclusion episode   Sun Dec 03, 2017 11:14 am

Alaska Arsenic wrote:
Tenafly Vipers wrote:
I'll say this for Matt #3's minors team... it's easy to be 9-3 when your whole division starts playing for draft picks by week 8, before the second round of divisional matches.

I'll say this for Colin.  it must be nice to finish 4 games ahead of me in record, but only 8 games ahead in AP.  I wish I would have only faced 3400 points this year too.

Well, you're making up for it basket... wait... cheers


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Alaska Arsenic
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! 2017 Regular Season conclusion episode   Sun Dec 03, 2017 11:19 am

I'm fine sitting in 2nd in basketball. Just need to get in and be healthy. Couldn't do either this season in RW. That funny thing about dynasties is that there actually is next year.

The Piggies had a solid team this season. I don't think many will be surprised if he makes it into the Minor League championship game.


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Tenafly Vipers
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! 2017 Regular Season conclusion episode   Sun Dec 03, 2017 11:34 am

Alaska Arsenic wrote:
I'm fine sitting in 2nd in basketball.  Just need to get in and be healthy.  Couldn't do either this season in RW.  That funny thing about dynasties is that there actually is next year.

The Piggies had a solid team this season.  I don't think many will be surprised if he makes it into the Minor League championship game.

Hey, you are! Nice. I thought you were still behind Biyombo and Hillbillies. Good work, man.


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Littleton SilverBallers
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! 2017 Regular Season conclusion episode   Sun Dec 03, 2017 11:45 am

Thanks for doing this Andy!

I'm glad Zuerlein had a fluke year, to win me some money.  Because its you g to be a hard road to the RWs championship!!


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Philadelphia Pigskins
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! 2017 Regular Season conclusion episode   Sun Dec 03, 2017 5:46 pm

Tenafly Vipers wrote:
I'll say this for Matt #3's minors team... it's easy to be 9-3 when your whole division starts playing for draft picks by week 8, before the second round of divisional matches.

Wins:
Pigskins- 9            
Vipers- 7

Points:
Pigskins- 3510      
Vipers- 3395

All-Play:
Pigskins- 166-11
Vipers- 142-134

And all that after I put up 186 points and 0-23 all play week one.

You were saying...?


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Titletown Tyrants
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! 2017 Regular Season conclusion episode   Sun Dec 03, 2017 6:01 pm

Great article, man I wish the season would have gone better, but one of the more fun seasons in a while.


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Tarpon Springs RedKnights
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! 2017 Regular Season conclusion episode   Sun Dec 03, 2017 6:38 pm

Lol nice article. Fitting end.


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Charm City Justice
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! 2017 Regular Season conclusion episode   Sun Dec 03, 2017 8:11 pm

My goal is to get to the point where I piss Andy off with my success. For now I will just continue to dwell in mediocrity, but maybe some day. Great work on the article Andy.


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North Wales Knights
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! 2017 Regular Season conclusion episode   Sun Dec 03, 2017 8:13 pm

Rocky Mountain Oysters wrote:
Only got 2 Chapters right in the Survey game.



I don’t even remember who I picked for the Survey Game.


Nice write-up Andy!


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Maple Grove Mean Machine
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! 2017 Regular Season conclusion episode   Mon Dec 04, 2017 12:01 pm

Nice Andy!


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Charm City Justice
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! 2017 Regular Season conclusion episode   Mon Dec 04, 2017 12:11 pm

North Wales Knights wrote:
Rocky Mountain Oysters wrote:
Only got 2 Chapters right in the Survey game.



I don’t even remember who I picked for the Survey Game.


Nice write-up Andy!

Here they are. I think I only got 1 right, so you beat me.


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North Wales Knights
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! 2017 Regular Season conclusion episode   Mon Dec 04, 2017 6:47 pm

Charm City Justice wrote:
North Wales Knights wrote:
Rocky Mountain Oysters wrote:
Only got 2 Chapters right in the Survey game.



I don’t even remember who I picked for the Survey Game.


Nice write-up Andy!

Here they are.  I think I only got 1 right, so you beat me.


Thanks. Gotta a few right.

Best call: Best CB - My boy Adoree 1st
Worst call: Not picking myself for Chapter 5 winner. shrug


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Atlanta Africans
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! 2017 Regular Season conclusion episode   Tue Dec 05, 2017 10:51 am

Murica!!


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Manhattan Beach Militia
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! 2017 Regular Season conclusion episode   Tue Dec 05, 2017 5:30 pm

Great article. Sitting in my office laughing. Well done!


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Andromeda Afterglow
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! 2017 Regular Season conclusion episode   Wed Dec 06, 2017 7:45 am

Great write up Andy, good luck to everyone still in the playoffs


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