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 In the Books! Week 2 of 2017

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Minnesota Eternals
 
 
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PostSubject: In the Books! Week 2 of 2017   Fri Sep 22, 2017 12:03 pm



Week 2 has come...and gone!  Did you miss it? As with every week and every season, it seems to fly by at a supersonic pace and your left surveying the damage or your opponent is left wondering how you are soooo damn lucky...again. There are plenty of articles in the Roster Wars universe that will give you facts and stats to study over and drool about...this isn't one of them.  Witht his article, I'm only giving the numbers I have to in order to not be a filthy liar.  From there, the rest will be my interpretation in all of it's accurate glory.  If you don't like it...good news, I don't care and two "Don'ts" cancel out so we're good.  Week 2...let's go!

The score of the week was 344.30 by none other than that Dancing Bacon team, the Philadelphia Pigskins.  Not only did owner Matt sell his home but he took time out of his busy schedule to hire someone known as Wigglesworth to teabag Todd's cats.  Did he take things too far? You decide.


The largest score that still resulted in a loss was 313.38 by the Titletown Tyrants because even when they fucking lose they win apparently. Do I sound bitter? haha.  I'm not quite sure what happened in this game but Derrick has been telling us that Ted Ginn Jr (yeah, that guy) is gonna rip the roof off of 2017 so without looking I assume Ginn probably had like 9 receptions on 15 targets, only dropped the ball 3 times and scored like 5 touchdowns and well fuck...how can Nick expect to win against such a beast.


In the NFL Pick'em side game, the Titletown Tyrants owner Nick crushed it with 123 points. It makes me sick too but let's be courteous and congratulate him for a job well done. Way to go Nick! Proud of you buddy!!!


Everyone gets a ribbon in the Survivor Pool of Week 2 as we're all a bunch of unoriginal jackasses who picked some low hanging fruit.


On an individual basis, nobody did anything worth writing home about so if your players managed to play the whole game and aren't ruined for the season you have to call it a victory I guess.


...and our fair maiden, the Progressive Pot remains nice and proper at $1383.00



Anything else of note?

Sure...the Whiskey Creek Gadabouts jumped up to 8th all-time for lowest scores that still somehow got a win.  Who did the Gadabouts beat with their monstrous 245.86 points you ask?


The Las Vegas Degenerates franchise (currently named Dos Faces Degenitals) hasn't won a game since Week 9 of 2015, bringing the losing streak record to 17 and running. I'll just update the number on this line to make my life easier. Coming up with a zillion ways to describe how bad the Dickface team is won't be very funny I bet. Has anyone asked Rob if he knows that low scores are bad? Maybe he's just unaware.


And now for....STREAKWATCH!!!

The Naperville Divine have won every game since Week 8 last year bringing them to 7 in a row which ties them for 4th all-time.  Will someone have the courage to tackle the latest naked crusader? Next up...the Bergen Brawlers. Find out what happens next week.  Same nude time.  Same nude section.



How bout those results?

Eternals defeat Africans: Ian told me last week that I should feel dirty for my win over the Nightbirds...so this week I made Ian look like a little girl in his bakpack and smushed his face into the mud. Then I edited the video so you don't see me actually push him. Mwahahaha.


Mayhem defeat Redknights: You have to feel a little bad for Sty here. The big storm comes through town and he's all prepared to be a hero but when it passes he's caught off guard by the little demon twister that is Carla and her Mayhem.


Dragons defeat Malosos: What happens when the Oaktown Malosos don't have at least one Oakland Raider in their lineup? They lose cuz that's just fucked up.  Also, Jon is a dick.


Gadabouts defeat Degenitals: "Defeat" is a strong word. It's more like the Gadabouts emerged from the Degenital game barely...and it took a chainsaw.


Nighthawks defeat Muskies: Thanks to the power of nightvision we can see how this game went...after getting their heads caved in last week by the Eternals the Nighthawks needed a win bad.  Bern is feeling good folks so let's not ruin it for him by pointing out that normally fish don't just jump into your open mouth.  


Silverballers defeat Tyrants: What can ya say...it was a well played game on both sides but someone had to lose...and THAT is what makes us happy.


Justice defeat Brawlers: Bill got to play lawyer in Week 2 in the Courtroom Bowl. They say a picture is worth a thousand words...well how many is a gif image worth? You'll notice Ed smily in attendance too.


Goon Squad defeat Bombers: Eric has arrived. And he's pissed...


Mean Machine defeat Oysters: Mark is feeling pretty good right about now as just gave Ed and his Oysters a beating they won't soon forget.


Golddiggers defeat Nightmare: The mild-mannered Han-Yang invited that dusty old cunt Greg over for some tea this week and what happened next might shock you....well, obviously it didn't cuz Greg's team sucks huge balls but you get my drift fuckers.


Divine defeat Knights: We actually missed this game but it was bloody. Good news though, we came away with something as we arrived just as Divine owner Craig was galloping into the sunset.


Pigskins defeat SteelCats: Todd and the SteelCats (best 80's rock band name ever) had visions of a nice bacon filled breakfast following Week 2 but the Tremors he experienced were stirring some echos that made Matt feel Footloose.....and dance the Bacon did!












Quick recap of the Minor League? Sure why not... A gif is worth 10,000 words I say...

Mongols defeat Afterglow:


Ravens defeat Spartans:


Demons defeat Viktors:


Panthers defeat Duffers:


Kings defeat Mayhem:


Slashers defeat Galacticos:


Marauders defeat Arsenic:


Cobras defeat Doppelgangers:


Nukes defeat Patriots:


Vipers defeat Silverbacks:


Werewolves defeat Unicorns:


Pigskins defeat Rottweilers:



Well that's it for Week 2 and my Friday morning people.  Hope you enjoyed it and if not...


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Maplewood Doppelgangers
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! Week 2 of 2017   Fri Sep 22, 2017 12:08 pm

Haha love it!


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Philadelphia Pigskins
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! Week 2 of 2017   Fri Sep 22, 2017 12:17 pm



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Riverside Rottweilers
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! Week 2 of 2017   Fri Sep 22, 2017 12:18 pm

Great stuff Andy.


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Tarpon Springs RedKnights
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! Week 2 of 2017   Fri Sep 22, 2017 12:31 pm

Damn whoever was pumping that fire hose in the picture did a shit job, that's a lot of water hammer bringing that LT down. Ya Carla hurt me, and this week my highest scoring DB went down to injury while Andy's guys on Thursday hammered me hard once again :D


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Titletown Tyrants
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! Week 2 of 2017   Fri Sep 22, 2017 12:35 pm

Great stuff. Glad that week 2 is behind us.  tongue


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North Carolina Cobras
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! Week 2 of 2017   Fri Sep 22, 2017 12:38 pm

Thanks Andy. Awesome!


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Mohawk Ridge Marauders
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! Week 2 of 2017   Fri Sep 22, 2017 12:45 pm

Hail to the Pumpkin King!


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Charm City Justice
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! Week 2 of 2017   Fri Sep 22, 2017 12:55 pm

Awesome job Andy.


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Littleton SilverBallers
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! Week 2 of 2017   Fri Sep 22, 2017 12:58 pm

Love the article Andy!

Don't ya worry about Ginn! Once that fuckin offense gets their shit together, Ginn and Thomas are going to go Crazy!



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Nevada NightHawks
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! Week 2 of 2017   Fri Sep 22, 2017 1:35 pm

A dancing Kevin Bacon for the Pigskins dancing bacon?




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Bergen Brawlers
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! Week 2 of 2017   Fri Sep 22, 2017 2:14 pm

Great recap chief!


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Naperville Divine
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! Week 2 of 2017   Fri Sep 22, 2017 2:30 pm

Love it how you can find those great pictures.


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Minnesota Eternals
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! Week 2 of 2017   Fri Sep 22, 2017 2:33 pm

Littleton SilverBallers wrote:
Love the article Andy!

Don't ya worry about Ginn!  Once that fuckin offense gets their shit together, Ginn and Thomas are going to go Crazy!




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England Dragons
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! Week 2 of 2017   Fri Sep 22, 2017 2:35 pm

Dickhole!

ROFL


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Tenafly Vipers
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! Week 2 of 2017   Fri Sep 22, 2017 3:03 pm

It was amazing.



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Alaska Arsenic
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! Week 2 of 2017   Fri Sep 22, 2017 3:08 pm

Love this recap! Nice work!


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Kane County Goon Squad
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! Week 2 of 2017   Fri Sep 22, 2017 3:15 pm

love it! lots of laughs - these are so much better when you win  hey



who know what movie the Mean Machine defeat Oysters  gif is from?


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Bergen Brawlers
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! Week 2 of 2017   Fri Sep 22, 2017 3:17 pm

Kane County Goon Squad wrote:
love it! lots of laughs - these are so much better when you win  hey



who know what movie the Mean Machine defeat Oysters  gif is from?

Isn't it Bad News Bears?


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Kane County Goon Squad
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! Week 2 of 2017   Fri Sep 22, 2017 3:19 pm

Bergen Brawlers wrote:
Kane County Goon Squad wrote:
love it! lots of laughs - these are so much better when you win  hey



who know what movie the Mean Machine defeat Oysters  gif is from?

Isn't it Bad News Bears?
if I'm correct - no


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Nevada NightHawks
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! Week 2 of 2017   Fri Sep 22, 2017 3:19 pm

Kane County Goon Squad wrote:
love it! lots of laughs - these are so much better when you win  hey



who know what movie the Mean Machine defeat Oysters  gif is from?


Damn, I've seen that movie.  But don't remember the name.  Wasn't it also based inside a diner, or gas station.  Something with the machines taking over?


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Tenafly Vipers
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! Week 2 of 2017   Fri Sep 22, 2017 3:19 pm

Kane County Goon Squad wrote:
love it! lots of laughs - these are so much better when you win  hey



who know what movie the Mean Machine defeat Oysters  gif is from?

Is that Maximum Overdrive? Best part is when the steamroller squishes the kid. In the original cut, the boy's head bursts like a grape because the director didn't think the kill was gruesome enough, and so he put an entire blood bag on top of the dummy's face. That received an NC-17 rating from the MPAA, though, and had to be cut for the theatrical release.


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Kane County Goon Squad
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! Week 2 of 2017   Fri Sep 22, 2017 3:21 pm

Tenafly Vipers wrote:
Kane County Goon Squad wrote:
love it! lots of laughs - these are so much better when you win  hey



who know what movie the Mean Machine defeat Oysters  gif is from?

Is that Maximum Overdrive? Best part is when the steamroller squishes the kid. In the original cut, the boy's head bursts like a grape because the director didn't think the kill was gruesome enough, and so he put an entire blood bag on top of the dummy's face. That received an NC-17 rating from the MPAA, though, and had to be cut for the theatrical release.
vote yes
clap clap clap


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Kane County Goon Squad
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! Week 2 of 2017   Fri Sep 22, 2017 3:21 pm

Nevada NightHawks wrote:
Kane County Goon Squad wrote:
love it! lots of laughs - these are so much better when you win  hey



who know what movie the Mean Machine defeat Oysters  gif is from?


Damn, I've seen that movie.  But don't remember the name.  Wasn't it also based inside a diner, or gas station.  Something with the machines taking over?
also correct


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Minnesota Eternals
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! Week 2 of 2017   Fri Sep 22, 2017 4:29 pm

Everyone says it's a bad movie and I'm not arguing it but I love it...but like many movies I saw it when I was THAT AGE that makes you like bad movies forever. If you saw it for the first time at 40, you probably don't like it at all.


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Kane County Goon Squad
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! Week 2 of 2017   Fri Sep 22, 2017 4:30 pm

Minnesota Eternals wrote:
Everyone says it's a bad movie and I'm not arguing it but I love it...but like many movies I saw it when I was THAT AGE that makes you like bad movies forever.  If you saw it for the first time at 40, you probably don't like it at all.
agree


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Denver Demons
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! Week 2 of 2017   Fri Sep 22, 2017 4:46 pm

Man, I don't know how much time you put into the gif game but this is some solid work (as always)


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Carolina Silverbacks
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! Week 2 of 2017   Fri Sep 22, 2017 6:23 pm

Great stuff.


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San Francisco Golddiggers
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! Week 2 of 2017   Fri Sep 22, 2017 9:08 pm

Freebies are good.


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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! Week 2 of 2017   Sat Sep 23, 2017 9:19 am

Tarpon Springs RedKnights wrote:
Damn whoever was pumping that fire hose in the picture did a shit job, that's a lot of water hammer bringing that LT down. Ya Carla hurt me, and this week my highest scoring DB went down to injury while Andy's guys on Thursday hammered me hard once again :D

Sorry Sty, I needed the win because SMAK said I am #1 by default. I couldnt be that without one win. Good luck going forward. You have the guns to make some noise.


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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! Week 2 of 2017   Sat Sep 23, 2017 12:22 pm

Where is that Infidel Wiggleworth?

Oh Wigglesworth, come out and play? You teabaggin' piece of shit!


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Kane County Goon Squad
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! Week 2 of 2017   Sat Sep 23, 2017 12:32 pm

Laughing laughing Laughing


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Tenafly Vipers
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! Week 2 of 2017   Sat Sep 23, 2017 12:54 pm

I have no idea what Todd is talking about, but I love it. lol 2


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Titletown Tyrants
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! Week 2 of 2017   Sat Sep 23, 2017 2:08 pm

Tenafly Vipers wrote:
I have no idea what Todd is talking about, but I love it. lol 2

Cat people. shrug laughing


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Tenafly Vipers
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! Week 2 of 2017   Sat Sep 23, 2017 7:36 pm

Kane County Goon Squad wrote:
Minnesota Eternals wrote:
Everyone says it's a bad movie and I'm not arguing it but I love it...but like many movies I saw it when I was THAT AGE that makes you like bad movies forever.  If you saw it for the first time at 40, you probably don't like it at all.
agree

I was lucky enough to watch a loooooooooooot of Joe Bob Briggs on TNT back in the 90s. Probably had more to do with the FEMA-level acne spread across my face like avocado on toast, but anyway. Love Maximum Overdrive.


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Atlanta Africans
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: In the Books! Week 2 of 2017   Sat Sep 23, 2017 10:08 pm

Lots of good stuff but that fireman one was great


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