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 Race From Pink - 2017 First Edition

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Naperville Divine
 
 
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PostSubject: Race From Pink - 2017 First Edition   Wed Sep 20, 2017 5:55 pm



Hello Losers!!!  Has it been a year already?  The last time we spoke, Rob, Russ, and Ian were in a 3 man race for the coveted "Pink" award.  While Ian and Russ were pathetic last year, none was worse than Rob who took home the award last year.  Well, the offseason came and went and everyone starts out fresh looking at their team with rose colored glasses, except Greg who decided to drop a grenade right in the middle of any talent that he had on his roster, but we will get to that later.  

As I start this Race From Pink, I thought long and hard about who I could find to be a special guest this week that would exemplify a total loser, someone who just shit the bed and was left with nothing.  Without further hesitation, I will turn over the start of this race to...



Thanks everyone.  I was reluctant to accept this invitation, but the truth is, I have nothing better to do with my life now that I have been completely humiliated by Donald.  I was trying to choose between this and going to the doctors to deal with a yeast infection.  I would have chosen the doctor but he was closed today.  I used to follow Roster Wars on my computers until a bunch of assholes forced me to delete all of my files.  

Now I didn't want to participate as a guest on your website without knowing more about you people.  I said "you people" because I don't care if I offend any of the black, hispanic, white trash, hillbilly, ginger, or gay owners on this board.  The thing that shocked me the most about Roster Wars is that you all profess to be the best fantasy football owners in the country.  Yet as I look at some of the teams in your league, you obviously have a few owners who lack any fantasy football knowledge.  The only positives that some of these teams offer is that they positively guarantee their opponents a victory for the week.

With that in mind, lets get started.  After week 2 there are 6 teams who have no idea how to win a game.  At this point, they are the 6 most likely teams to wear Pink next year.  I ranked them based on total points scored through the first two games.

6th Most Likely To Be Pink:  Oaktown Malosos - 0-2 Record - 586 points - This roster war owner has NFL music playing when you access his profile and his email says inthepowerzone@hotmail.com.  The music is stupid.  Perhaps he should spend less time being cute and more time trying to trade for some talent.  His email is obviously an attempt to mask a short coming.  Owners who have complexes like this tend to shrivel up on game day, similiar to my husband Bill when he sees me walk out of the shower.  This owner has some talent on his team, but I'm not sure if he knows how to use it.

5th Most Likely To Be Pink: Norfolk Bombers - 0-2 Record - 557 points.  I looked at this owner's profile and it has a bomb going off.  As I looked at the picture of the bomb all I could think about was getting fisted back in law school by my professor.  Wowzer that was good.  Dave has plenty of talent, so I wouldn't expect him to stay on this list for long.

4th Most Likely To Be Pink: Dos Faces Degenitals - 0-2 Record - 510 points.  What the fuck is going on his this guys profile?  Is he some kind of degenerate?  There are all sorts of sexual connotations here.  There is also a picture of a vagina that kind of resembles mine if I spread my legs and look at it with a hand mirror.  This guys team sucks.  Has he ever heard of a veteran?  Hey dumbass, rookies generally don't equal wins!  I expect this guy to be on this list all year.

3rd Most Likely To Be Pink: California Nightmare - 0-2 Record - 465 points.  This owners name is Gregory Donaldson.  Perfect name for a rapist if you ask me.  What do you expect from someone in California?  I counted on your state to get me enough votes.  I needed more liberal bastards in the state of Michigan and Ohio.  Sorry to digress.  This Nightmare team is exactly that, a putrid accumulation of talentless boobs.  Just like the owner.  I saw his picture on the website.  All it is missing is a giant condom.  I looked back and saw that this guy has decided to give away all his talent in hopes of a rebuild.  Well, instead of standing on the corner and handing out lollypops to the kids, perhaps he should donate $500 to Roster Wars and simply open his eyes in 5 years when his team may be competitive again.

2nd Most Likely To Be Pink: Rocky Mountain Oysters - 0-2 Record - 438 points.  This owners name is Ed.  He looks like a pedifile.  He has a face that nobody would love.  I heard that he drafted his team last year.  I would call him a retard, but that would be insulting to special needs people around the world.  Ed's team is horrible.  Hello!!!  You are supposed to draft a winning team!  Vampires work harder during the daylight than Ed does.  Ed has some good players on his team, but he is probably too stupid to figure out to pick the guys with the most points to play.  The scoring system isn't like golf.

Most Likely To Be Pink: Muskego Muskies - 0-2 Record - 437 points.  The Muskies remind me of a joke:

What are the 15 animals on a woman's body: 10 piggies, 2 calves, an ass, a beaver, and a fish that they can't seem to find.

I couldn't figure out what was wrong with Dan, until I saw where he is from... "A hey dare!!  Don't U Knoww That U Arr Supposed 2 Win Some Games?"  To make matters worse Dan's last name is Morawski.  Morawski - a great german/irish name.  That explains everything.  I wonder if Dan ever made some famous trades in Roster Wars history.

There you have it.  I want to thank everyone as Roster Wars for allowing me, the greatest female in the history of this country to be the guest speaker for the inaugural Pink kickoff.  Now please make sure that I get my check for $150,000 for this speaking engagement.

Until next time, see ya losers!


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North Carolina Cobras
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Race From Pink - 2017 First Edition   Wed Sep 20, 2017 6:13 pm

Good article.


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Bergen Brawlers
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Race From Pink - 2017 First Edition   Wed Sep 20, 2017 6:14 pm

Quote :
Well, instead of standing on the corner and handing out lollypops to the kids, perhaps he should donate $500 to Roster Wars and simply open his eyes in 5 years when his team may be competitive again.

rofl rofl


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Minnesota Eternals
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Race From Pink - 2017 First Edition   Wed Sep 20, 2017 6:15 pm

Laughing

Nicely done. Some great laughs in there.

Thanks for dropping by ya dusty old cunt.


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Tarpon Springs RedKnights
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Race From Pink - 2017 First Edition   Wed Sep 20, 2017 6:20 pm

Omg! You handed out a serious beating to all those loser teams lmao! Well done! Glad we have owners that can take a joke, a few years ago we could not have an article like this without kid gloves hahahahahaha.


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Oaktown Malosos
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Race From Pink - 2017 First Edition   Wed Sep 20, 2017 6:54 pm

bs ROFL topic sucks

How dare you bring my name up you frothy whore...As usual, you never check your facts before opening that over-worked blow hole.   Currently ranked #4 in DD total points scored and 8th overall.  This does not equate to the "Pink-Stink"...so keep your fantasies to yourself...BITCH!  middle finger


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California Nightmare
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Race From Pink - 2017 First Edition   Wed Sep 20, 2017 7:40 pm

I'm headed to Naperville in my van.



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Atlanta Africans
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Race From Pink - 2017 First Edition   Wed Sep 20, 2017 7:48 pm

Thrilled NOT to be part of this nonsense Laughing


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Kane County Goon Squad
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Race From Pink - 2017 First Edition   Wed Sep 20, 2017 8:12 pm

love the guest speaker take


just glad I'm not on the list


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Southside Spartans
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Race From Pink - 2017 First Edition   Wed Sep 20, 2017 8:30 pm

Good article. Pretty funny stuff in there


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Bergen Brawlers
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Race From Pink - 2017 First Edition   Wed Sep 20, 2017 8:30 pm

Kane County Goon Squad wrote:
love the guest speaker take


just glad I'm not on the list

agree


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Rocky Mountain Oysters
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Race From Pink - 2017 First Edition   Wed Sep 20, 2017 9:12 pm

Kane County Goon Squad wrote:
just glad I'm not on the list

You can be added after your loss in stat corrections tomorrow.


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Nevada NightHawks
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Race From Pink - 2017 First Edition   Wed Sep 20, 2017 9:22 pm

Oaktown Malosos wrote:
bs  ROFL topic sucks

How dare you bring my name up you frothy whore...As usual, you never check your facts before opening that over-worked blow hole.   Currently ranked #4 in DD total points scored and 8th overall.  This does not equate to the "Pink-Stink"...so keep your fantasies to yourself...BITCH!  middle finger



ROFL ROFL

SMAK ain't so bad after all, is it? lol3


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Bergen Brawlers
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Race From Pink - 2017 First Edition   Wed Sep 20, 2017 9:24 pm

Nevada NightHawks wrote:
Oaktown Malosos wrote:
bs  ROFL topic sucks

How dare you bring my name up you frothy whore...As usual, you never check your facts before opening that over-worked blow hole.   Currently ranked #4 in DD total points scored and 8th overall.  This does not equate to the "Pink-Stink"...so keep your fantasies to yourself...BITCH!  middle finger



ROFL ROFL

SMAK ain't so bad after all, is it?  lol3

Funny you should mention SMAK ... when will we be seeing it?



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Oaktown Malosos
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Race From Pink - 2017 First Edition   Wed Sep 20, 2017 9:56 pm

Nevada NightHawks wrote:


ROFL ROFL

SMAK ain't so bad after all, is it?  lol3

bow bow bow bow


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England Dragons
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Race From Pink - 2017 First Edition   Thu Sep 21, 2017 12:17 am

Great article Craig - some surprising contenders this year!


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Naperville Divine
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Race From Pink - 2017 First Edition   Thu Sep 21, 2017 7:41 am

Hopefully the contenders will change from time to time.


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Charm City Justice
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Race From Pink - 2017 First Edition   Thu Sep 21, 2017 7:46 am

Had me laughing out loud in my office. Great job Craig.


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Titletown Tyrants
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Race From Pink - 2017 First Edition   Thu Sep 21, 2017 12:41 pm

Woa, for some reason this didn't show as new. Looks great Craig. Muskies are worse than I thought by a longshot.


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Naperville Divine
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Race From Pink - 2017 First Edition   Thu Sep 21, 2017 12:47 pm

I think the poop will sink to the bottom before long. It was fun to take some shots at some teams who probably won't stay on this list for that much longer.


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Carolina Silverbacks
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Race From Pink - 2017 First Edition   Thu Sep 21, 2017 12:56 pm

Great read. Many laughs. Thanks!


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Littleton SilverBallers
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Race From Pink - 2017 First Edition   Thu Sep 21, 2017 2:32 pm

I remember I was put on this fucking list last year and ended up winning my division!! so metal

So don't feel bad if your name is on this. Just use it as fuel to prove all the blah blah blah wrong


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Littleton SilverBallers
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Race From Pink - 2017 First Edition   Thu Sep 21, 2017 2:33 pm

Oh and love the article Craig! Been on both sides of this topic, and let me tell ya..... It feels better not being listed on this yes


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Maple Grove Mean Machine
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Race From Pink - 2017 First Edition   Thu Sep 21, 2017 3:27 pm

Quote :


What are the 15 animals on a woman's body: 10 piggies, 2 calves, an ass, a beaver, and a fish that they can't seem to find.

Possible the funniest joke I have heard in a long time! clap vote yes


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