HomeLog inRegisterFAQSearch

Share | 
 

 Roast 4- Philadelphia Pigskins (Matt)

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
AuthorMessage
Titletown Tyrants
 
 
avatar

Posts : 9259

PostSubject: Roast 4- Philadelphia Pigskins (Matt)   Tue Jun 28, 2016 8:03 am



You only roast the ones you love. Ahhh, what a saying. What a tradition. And it is the offseason, so what the hell? Let's roast eachother. One by one, we will go through rosters, franchise moves, the draft, and any personal thing you can find funny about the owner in an attempt to show your respect for them. Please take everything with a grain of salt, no hard feelings, and if someone tears you apart, go after them in their roast. Without further ado, I open up the roast of Matt, of the Philadelphia Pigskins!





Matt, Matt, Matt. It has been said that you have one of the best offenses in all of RW. Is that really true? What happens when Freeman doesn't have the year of his career, and Jordan Reed gets another concussion? It means that your RB's and TE groups are literally the worst in all of the land. I think too much respect was given because you are one crack away from in Bob's colors.


Oh, and your rankings? Your completely biased positional rankings? Trash my friend. Smoke a little more Shaggy.





If I remember right, you said my team was boring? Yeah, take Antonio Brown out and your roster is just as exciting as your defensive line. Kill myself.


Keep trying to pawn Dunlop off on people, you won't be able to trade rape them because they know he sucks almost as much dick as you do.


Nice Linebackers too, good thing that isn't an important position.


Here's to Tom Brady not being suspended, that's an honorable guy to hang your hat on...


All in all, Matt is a good dude. Have fun with this original RW warrior, but rip him to shreds for the next 24-36 hours.





Back to top Go down
Mrs. Eternals
 
 
avatar

Posts : 695

PostSubject: Re: Roast 4- Philadelphia Pigskins (Matt)   Tue Jun 28, 2016 8:11 am

Philadelphia Pigskins...you mean the Pissandmoan Foreskins...


Back to top Go down
Indiana Mayhem
 
 
avatar

Posts : 5453

PostSubject: Re: Roast 4- Philadelphia Pigskins (Matt)   Tue Jun 28, 2016 8:50 am



THIS IS THE QB YOU TRUST WITH YOUR TEAM?

Oh wait you have this guy too



Back to top Go down
Rocky Mountain Oysters
 
 
avatar

Posts : 2697

PostSubject: Re: Roast 4- Philadelphia Pigskins (Matt)   Tue Jun 28, 2016 9:04 am



Back to top Go down
Littleton SilverBallers
 
 
avatar

Posts : 3237

PostSubject: Re: Roast 4- Philadelphia Pigskins (Matt)   Tue Jun 28, 2016 9:15 am

I like Matts roster a lot, so I can't rip him on that....

But his positional rankings are another story! I mean, you're doing a good job with them and all, but I've seen better. I mean keep trying and maybe one day you might actually get it right. So keep trying and never give up chasing the impossible dream of being a person who knows fantasy football duckhunt


Back to top Go down
Atlanta Africans
 
 
avatar

Posts : 5669

PostSubject: Re: Roast 4- Philadelphia Pigskins (Matt)   Tue Jun 28, 2016 10:09 am

Matt is doing a great job preparing the young minds for the future...

Just make sure when they ask you about fantasy football you send them over to DD where the real experts are rock on


Back to top Go down
Maple Grove Mean Machine
 
 
avatar

Posts : 1495

PostSubject: Re: Roast 4- Philadelphia Pigskins (Matt)   Tue Jun 28, 2016 10:46 am

Philadelphia Pigskins

I can’t wait to hear what this clown has to say. “I just have a tendency to trade my picks for proven players. You'll notice I don't have a 1st next year either. With this being a generally weak offensive class outside of the top few options, and plenty of IDP that I felt comfortable with getting in the 3rd and 4th rounds, I thought it served my team better to move the picks for players I liked, and stick with picks where the IDP I was targeting would go.” Said the fearless leader. When asked about falling behind the pack, “I'm not too worried about falling behind anyone. I still had 7 picks in this draft, and am happy with how my team is looking.”

The MEAN MACHINE’s Take: I don’t care about next year or the 7 picks outside the first two rounds. I asked about the first two rounds not your entire draft. Dumb, just plain dumb. Now enlightening us on the reason why you didn’t have picks in the first two rounds, that’s just genius! Oh, I almost forgot, the readership don’t want to hear about your tendencies. GROSS!

DRAFT GRADE: (F)INALLY PULLED THE TRIGGER

If you would actually build your team through the draft, you might stand a freaking chance!


Back to top Go down
Philadelphia Pigskins
 
 
avatar

Posts : 6260

PostSubject: Re: Roast 4- Philadelphia Pigskins (Matt)   Tue Jun 28, 2016 10:53 am



Back to top Go down
Titletown Tyrants
 
 
avatar

Posts : 9259

PostSubject: Re: Roast 4- Philadelphia Pigskins (Matt)   Tue Jun 28, 2016 11:06 am

Pigs suck, so do the Redskins.


Back to top Go down
Morrison Minions
 
 
avatar

Posts : 7113

PostSubject: Re: Roast 4- Philadelphia Pigskins (Matt)   Tue Jun 28, 2016 12:16 pm

Matt's team is so horrible, it's BAD! Whaaaat


Back to top Go down
Tarpon Springs RedKnights
 
 
avatar

Posts : 7838

PostSubject: Re: Roast 4- Philadelphia Pigskins (Matt)   Tue Jun 28, 2016 12:43 pm

Hi. Matt. You have red hair.


Back to top Go down
Rocky Mountain Oysters
 
 
avatar

Posts : 2697

PostSubject: Re: Roast 4- Philadelphia Pigskins (Matt)   Tue Jun 28, 2016 12:55 pm



Back to top Go down
Philadelphia Pigskins
 
 
avatar

Posts : 6260

PostSubject: Re: Roast 4- Philadelphia Pigskins (Matt)   Tue Jun 28, 2016 1:01 pm

I don't have red hair. And I don't own Dunlap. This roast is very confusing


Back to top Go down
Bergen Brawlers
 
 
avatar

Posts : 4759

PostSubject: Re: Roast 4- Philadelphia Pigskins (Matt)   Tue Jun 28, 2016 1:46 pm

Before I joined this league, I thought that there were only two good things in Philly -- cheesesteaks and ECW wrestling.  After getting to know Matt better I am firmly convinced that there are only two good things in Philly -- cheesesteaks and ECW wrestling.

I have enjoyed reviewing this thread and I completely agree with Matt -- I am very confused.  You're from Philly but you're a Redskins fan?  I can't wait until our newest team, the Dallas 49ers joins the league.  I get flashbacks to watching John Starks in a Bulls uniform and Thurman Thomas in a Dolphins helmet.

However, it appears Matt may have been born in DC and raised in Baltimore.  That must be true because no one would claim that connection.  That's the background you normally find on a criminal dossier.

In happier news, it looks like our friend Matt is about to turn the big 3-0!  Which means that, while the Redskins were the much better team than the Eagles while Matty was a wee lad, things really took a turn for the worse when Matt turned 7.  At that point, watching the Skins was akin to trick or treating with Albert Belle.  

In researching for this roast, I learned some interesting things from Matt.  As many of you know, Matt teaches our youngsters and seems to take pleasure in that.  However, many of you may not know how Matt got his inspiration for that role.  Matt's role model, Marion Barry was reelected as Mayor of DC shortly after Matt's birth (in a race where he almost ran against Jesse Jackson).  Before running our nation's capital, young Marion was active in the DC Board of Education.  Matt followed Barry's lead and teaching became his passion.  Unfortunately, there is still doubt as to whether young Matty also took on Barry's love for hookers and crack -- addictions that run very deep in the Pigskins community (and possibly the RW community).

But Matt isn't your typical brawler from the mean streets of Philly or D.C.  No, our favorite Scooby look a like is quite the cultured man -- finding RosterWars after spending time in the FantasyCafe.  Not sure what that is but I imagine that you're more likely to get a frappuccino there than a PBR tall boy.  So let's raise a glass of Zima to the birthday boy and wish him the best.


Back to top Go down
England Dragons
 
 
avatar

Posts : 8426

PostSubject: Re: Roast 4- Philadelphia Pigskins (Matt)   Tue Jun 28, 2016 1:47 pm

Matt is easily the best team in the TT. Unfortunately, TT is shit.

Unlucky, Matt. So close. The best you can do is win the equivalent of the CFL.

Are you sure you don't have red hair? If not, your picture is very misleading.

mock


Back to top Go down
Minnesota Eternals
 
 
avatar

Posts : 21976

PostSubject: Re: Roast 4- Philadelphia Pigskins (Matt)   Tue Jun 28, 2016 5:46 pm

Being the favorite of the Turrible Turds is worse than a participation trophy for high school kids. Matt is all like


but Dastardly Dozen teams see that roster and be like



All I know is that between work and RW, it's clear that Matt feels like a tough guy beating up on nearly defenseless beings. Way to go Matt...you're such a hero! vote no


Back to top Go down
Naperville Divine
 
 
avatar

Posts : 2817

PostSubject: Re: Roast 4- Philadelphia Pigskins (Matt)   Wed Jun 29, 2016 1:05 pm

Everybody stop picking on Matt. It is true that he looks like one of the reserves on "The Benchwarmers". If he comes across as a fantasy bully, it is not his fault. When he was young, he probably got bounced around too many times on the short bus. He isn't exactly a ladies man. Matt's first piece of ass once when his hand went through the toilet paper.

After getting stuffed in the locker each day and having received his fair share of wedgies, Matt had finally had enough. One day he cried, "While all of you more popular boys are out on dates with girls, I am going to study fantasy football."

Well, all of that studying has paid off. While the old saying is true, "It is lonely at the top", this is particularly true for Matt. Heck, the only girls that still talk to him are Mrs. Eternals and Mrs Redknights", and those two aren't exactly spring chickens or much to write home about.

Matt, with all being said, I hope you enjoy your roast. It is nice to share a division with you.


Back to top Go down
Mrs. Eternals
 
 
avatar

Posts : 695

PostSubject: Re: Roast 4- Philadelphia Pigskins (Matt)   Wed Jun 29, 2016 1:14 pm

Naperville Divine wrote:

 Heck, the only girls that still talk to him are Mrs. Eternals and Mrs Redknights", and those two aren't exactly spring chickens or much to write home about.

ROTFLMAO I'm HOT and everyone here knows it! belly dance belly dance belly dance belly dance


Back to top Go down
Bergen Brawlers
 
 
avatar

Posts : 4759

PostSubject: Re: Roast 4- Philadelphia Pigskins (Matt)   Wed Jun 29, 2016 1:36 pm

Naperville Divine wrote:
Heck, the only girls that still talk to him are Mrs. Eternals and Mrs Redknights", and those two aren't exactly spring chickens or much to write home about.



Man, I'm sure gonna miss Craig around here.  Keep in touch buddy.


Back to top Go down
Minnesota Eternals
 
 
avatar

Posts : 21976

PostSubject: Re: Roast 4- Philadelphia Pigskins (Matt)   Wed Jun 29, 2016 4:15 pm

Bergen Brawlers wrote:
Naperville Divine wrote:
Heck, the only girls that still talk to him are Mrs. Eternals and Mrs Redknights", and those two aren't exactly spring chickens or much to write home about.



Man, I'm sure gonna miss Craig around here.  Keep in touch buddy.

lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2


Back to top Go down
Philadelphia Pigskins
 
 
avatar

Posts : 6260

PostSubject: Re: Roast 4- Philadelphia Pigskins (Matt)   Wed Jun 29, 2016 4:29 pm

Naperville Divine wrote:
Heck, the only girls that still talk to him are Mrs. Eternals and Mrs Redknights", and those two aren't exactly spring chickens or much to write home about.



Back to top Go down
Mrs. Redknights
 
 
avatar

Posts : 122

PostSubject: Re: Roast 4- Philadelphia Pigskins (Matt)   Wed Jun 29, 2016 6:07 pm

Naperville Divine wrote:
  Heck, the only girls that still talk to him are Mrs. Eternals and Mrs Redknights", and those two aren't exactly spring chickens or much to write home about.



Back to top Go down
Philadelphia Pigskins
 
 
avatar

Posts : 6260

PostSubject: Re: Roast 4- Philadelphia Pigskins (Matt)   Wed Jun 29, 2016 6:41 pm

England Dragons wrote:

Are you sure you don't have red hair? If not, your picture is very misleading.

Yeah I have blonde hair. that explains a few of the look alike pics that confused me though

lol 2


Back to top Go down
Kane County Goon Squad
 
 
avatar

Posts : 7290

PostSubject: Re: Roast 4- Philadelphia Pigskins (Matt)   Thu Jun 30, 2016 10:33 am

Minnesota Eternals wrote:
Bergen Brawlers wrote:
Naperville Divine wrote:
Heck, the only girls that still talk to him are Mrs. Eternals and Mrs Redknights", and those two aren't exactly spring chickens or much to write home about.



Man, I'm sure gonna miss Craig around here.  Keep in touch buddy.

lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2 lol 2

Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing


Back to top Go down
Indiana Mayhem
 
 
avatar

Posts : 5453

PostSubject: Re: Roast 4- Philadelphia Pigskins (Matt)   Wed Jul 06, 2016 1:22 pm

Craig--------poor soul you really took roasting to a whole new level. Fantasy football Karma is gonna be hard on your this season.





Back to top Go down
Titletown Tyrants
 
 
avatar

Posts : 9259

PostSubject: Re: Roast 4- Philadelphia Pigskins (Matt)   Wed Jul 06, 2016 1:24 pm



Back to top Go down
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: Roast 4- Philadelphia Pigskins (Matt)   

Back to top Go down
 
Roast 4- Philadelphia Pigskins (Matt)
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 1

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Roster Wars :: The Roster Wars Clubhouse :: Main RW Lobby-
Jump to: