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 Roast 3 - Titletown Tyrants (Nick)

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Minnesota Eternals
 
 
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PostSubject: Roast 3 - Titletown Tyrants (Nick)   Sun Jun 26, 2016 9:43 pm



You only roast the ones you love. Ahhh, what a saying. What a tradition. And it is the offseason, so what the hell? Let's roast eachother. One by one, we will go through rosters, franchise moves, the draft, and any personal thing you can find funny about the owner in an attempt to show your respect for them. Please take everything with a grain of salt, no hard feelings, and if someone tears you apart, go after them in their roast. Without further ado, I open up the roast of Nick, of the Titletown Tyrants!





Oh Nick....it's so cute that your team hails from fictional "Titletown" considering how unlikely it is that your team will ever hold a title for anything. Have you looked at your QB's lately? Fuck man....and I just helped improve that situation for you recently and yet it still is beyond shitty. Let's just walk away....dear lord...

*trips over your RBs*

ROTFLMAO Well holy fuckballs...they say a picture is worth a thousand words so here is my thousand words for ya carted off

Haha, you own Stedman Bailey!!!!!


You've clearly punted at the TE position so not sure we can even mock you when you aren't trying.

Your kickers are ugly.

You ever been eating a sandwich and decided it was so fucking dull that you lost interest while chewing? That's the exact same sensation I had while looking over your defensive line. Just why man?


I'll throw you a bone...your LB's are not shit. If this were a "try to have just one position that isn't fucked" fantasy league you might be a winner but alas we have 10 positions and 9 of yours chug cock. I hope I was able to make you feel better.

Then there is your DB's...





I know you like to trade, I would too if I had that squad but you really need to have something to give in order to receive something in return and there lies your problem. Your team sucks. They might not suck to a Redknight level but if that's the measuring stick you're judging yourself against then you might want to reach out to Bob to form a support group for guys whose aspirations are to finish 23rd.

Which just leaves you...the owner. A good guy for sure and we're glad to have ya (and your money laughing ) but it has to hurt to have such a shit team despite putting in more time than anyone here. Ouch. And there is one lady in the club and she doesn't like you. Way to go stud! Laughing


Ultimately, when folks think Titletown Tyrants you envision them reacting like scared but dude the reality of it right now is more like...






Hey everyone, Nick thought roasting each other would be fun. So roast his chestnuts over an open flame and let him see how brilliant this was...


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Titletown Tyrants
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 3 - Titletown Tyrants (Nick)   Sun Jun 26, 2016 9:47 pm

Ah, thanks Andy. I'm ready for it. Bring it bitches!


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Mrs. Eternals
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 3 - Titletown Tyrants (Nick)   Mon Jun 27, 2016 8:15 am

Titletown Tyrants...you mean the Tinseltown Tallywackers...


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Muskego Muskies
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 3 - Titletown Tyrants (Nick)   Mon Jun 27, 2016 8:36 am

I love how the Redknights get thrown under the bus in Nicks roast... Classic Andy clap


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Minnesota Eternals
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 3 - Titletown Tyrants (Nick)   Mon Jun 27, 2016 10:07 am

Muskego Muskies wrote:
I love how the Redknights get thrown under the bus in Nicks roast... Classic Andy clap

The only reason division mates the Dragons didn't get dick punched is because it's obvious already that their demise isn't apparent to Jon and thus he's gonna be devastated as is so piling on wouldn't be the class play.

Back to how shitty the Tyrants are.....just wow, am I right?


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Mrs. Eternals
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 3 - Titletown Tyrants (Nick)   Mon Jun 27, 2016 10:25 am

Featuring the Tinseltown Tallywackers

Owner: Dick Browne
Offense: Coach Lose
Head Coach: Vince Blowhardi
Defense: The Choker

With the stellar QB duo of Blake Buttholes and Robert Griffin the turd.


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Mrs. Eternals
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 3 - Titletown Tyrants (Nick)   Mon Jun 27, 2016 10:26 am

I'm too busy at work today to really roast you Nick, so you get what you get!


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Muskego Muskies
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 3 - Titletown Tyrants (Nick)   Mon Jun 27, 2016 10:32 am

Hey guys Nick isn't doing that bad... I mean he saw the best team in the league and is trying to emulate it the best he can. Is that the Tyrants or the Muskies B team? Very original colors douche.


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Morrison Minions
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 3 - Titletown Tyrants (Nick)   Mon Jun 27, 2016 11:16 am

Nick's team is soo bad that it SUCKS! DAAAAYUMn


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Tarpon Springs RedKnights
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 3 - Titletown Tyrants (Nick)   Mon Jun 27, 2016 11:47 am

Nick your feet smell. And you... You... Your stupid.


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Morrison Minions
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 3 - Titletown Tyrants (Nick)   Mon Jun 27, 2016 12:05 pm

Tarpon Springs RedKnights wrote:
Your stupid.

doh


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Mrs. Eternals
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 3 - Titletown Tyrants (Nick)   Mon Jun 27, 2016 12:06 pm

Morrison Minions wrote:
Tarpon Springs RedKnights wrote:
Your stupid.

doh


ROTFLMAO ROTFLMAO ROTFLMAO ROTFLMAO ROTFLMAO


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Titletown Tyrants
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 3 - Titletown Tyrants (Nick)   Mon Jun 27, 2016 12:08 pm

I like this.


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Indiana Mayhem
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 3 - Titletown Tyrants (Nick)   Mon Jun 27, 2016 12:29 pm

Wait, Nick, is that you in your avatar picture posting how many wins you will get this year? 4?

Or is it a math problem 2-2 = 0 wins?


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Mrs. Redknights
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 3 - Titletown Tyrants (Nick)   Mon Jun 27, 2016 1:11 pm



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England Dragons
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 3 - Titletown Tyrants (Nick)   Mon Jun 27, 2016 1:12 pm

I was going to roast Nick - goodness knows he deserves it.

But then I looked through his roster and it's just so meh. If I was technically minded, I'd have just posted a screen shot of it and left it at that.

sleep


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Tarpon Springs RedKnights
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 3 - Titletown Tyrants (Nick)   Mon Jun 27, 2016 1:16 pm

Nick you know you're team sucks when you beg teams to trade you a QB and end up settling for Mariota by trading away a guy that will outscore him (Kirk) + you give a 1st and 2nd rounder. Then to add salt to the wound, the dudes on Matt's radio show first thing they say is how your QB's suck. So then you decide to trade again to improve your QB's... and pick up Blake Bortles! Blake Bortles! shit... you actually improved a lot in that area, nevermind.


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Bergen Brawlers
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 3 - Titletown Tyrants (Nick)   Mon Jun 27, 2016 1:47 pm

Some random facts about Green Bay and Nick.

Green Bay is the Toilet Paper Capital of the World and, given the state of Nick's team, that's an apt reference.  But you'll need more than Quilted Northern to remove the stench from Nick's team.  Did someone say Steadman Bailey?

On that note, and this is a true story, the "Green Bay" that the City was named after used to be called the Baie des Puants ("Bay of the Stinkers") because of its awful odor.  Similarly, RGIII has earned the nickname "No job Bob" from me because of his inability to toss the rock and the stinkers that he puts up on the rare occasions when he gets on the field.

Packers' fans are the only fans in the nation dumb enough to buy stock in their team, even though they get nothing of value from purchasing the stock.  One day I'm sure Nick will send us the photo of his $300 piece of bond paper that pretends to be a stock certificate.  Until then, we can look at the collection of players that pretend to be a fantasy football team.  Why does Nick still have Fasano?  

Packers nation and Nick wear their cheeseheads with a sense of pride, forgetting that Illinois football fans invented the name to mock those from Wisconsin.  Similarly, Nick rolls out Eddie Royal while forgetting that he hasn't had a meaningful season since Bush was president.

Talking about those cheeseheads, the team was really named after meat packers but I guess wearing a pound of lean ground beef on your head isn't as appealing.  But those cheeseheads look as ridiculous as Charles Johnson on a football field.  Given the way his team performs, the name Packers would be appropriate, but we're not talking about meat ....

Packers' fans, like Red Sox fans, live under the myth that their old, outdated stadiums are monuments to be treasured.  Sorry, your stadium sucks.  And your team sucks.  It's time to face the fact that Bud Dupree is just as special as your sacred tundra -- a lot of history and hype but no substance.

And, like Aaron Rodgers and Mark Chmura, Nick denies being gay or hot tubbing with underage girls.  But, where there's smoke ...

Keep grasping onto hope and wearing your #4 jersey because that's where you'll finish in your division -- #4.  Keep reaching for that rainbow Nick because one day your dreams may come true!


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Titletown Tyrants
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 3 - Titletown Tyrants (Nick)   Mon Jun 27, 2016 1:52 pm

Well done Russ, I love it. I will hold response until tonight or tomorrow when I put up the next roast. That will be hard to beat though.


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Bergen Brawlers
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 3 - Titletown Tyrants (Nick)   Mon Jun 27, 2016 2:38 pm



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Bergen Brawlers
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 3 - Titletown Tyrants (Nick)   Mon Jun 27, 2016 2:45 pm



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Muskego Muskies
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 3 - Titletown Tyrants (Nick)   Mon Jun 27, 2016 3:41 pm

Damn Russ, love the Rodgers and Chmura reference, that's top notch shit right there. I thought people forgot about the Chmura/hot tub story clap


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Titletown Tyrants
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 3 - Titletown Tyrants (Nick)   Mon Jun 27, 2016 4:05 pm

Muskego Muskies wrote:
Damn Russ, love the Rodgers and Chmura reference, that's top notch shit right there. I thought people forgot about the Chmura/hot tub story clap

She looked 18.


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Philadelphia Pigskins
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 3 - Titletown Tyrants (Nick)   Mon Jun 27, 2016 7:20 pm

I kept trying to post something about this team, but your boring ass roster kept putting me to sleep


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San Francisco Golddiggers
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Roast 3 - Titletown Tyrants (Nick)   Mon Jun 27, 2016 9:14 pm

Wow, getting trashed by the wives who aren't even in the league.


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