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Baja Beatniks
 
 
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PostSubject: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Sun Nov 15, 2015 1:22 pm

At least a couple of owners' wallets (or bank balances) will be a little lighter after penalties are assessed for week 10. We here at the Baja office have developed a groundbreaking new service to help you avoid these costly penalties going forward. This service is available to owners in either conference.

Q. What do you get?
A. E-mail and text notification of players in your lineup declared out. Once on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, with hourly notifications on Sunday beginning at 9:00am Eastern until game start time for players in question. One bonus notification will be made on Monday at 5:00pm Eastern if needed.

Q. How much does it cost?
A. Our fair pricing is tiered based on number of current penalties being carried by the franchise.

None - $5 per season
Bonus - $10 per season
Double bonus - $25 per season
Triple bonus - $50 per season

Contact Beatniks Industries and start saving money today! 100% satisfaction guaranteed! If you don't receive a promised notification, we'll pay the penalty for you!


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San Francisco Golddiggers
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Sun Nov 15, 2015 1:23 pm

Sad that this is necessary.


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Tarpon Springs RedKnights
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Sun Nov 15, 2015 1:24 pm

who? Who? who? WHO?


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Minnesota Eternals
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Sun Nov 15, 2015 2:40 pm

There are changes coming...figured we could get through the season but life is just too hard for some people.


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Las Vegas DeGenerates
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Sun Nov 15, 2015 3:21 pm

Im sorry.........i paid.....,


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Las Vegas DeGenerates
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Sun Nov 15, 2015 5:56 pm

Might take you up on that service though... next fine is $160 for me... rant


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Las Vegas DeGenerates
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Sun Nov 15, 2015 5:56 pm

I will never again put someone in my lineup that is even probably status early in the week.


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Baja Beatniks
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Sun Nov 15, 2015 6:01 pm

I neglected to price the quadruple bonus tier. Does $100 sound fair? Evil laugh


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Las Vegas DeGenerates
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Sun Nov 15, 2015 6:07 pm

rules nono no!


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Baja Beatniks
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Sun Nov 15, 2015 6:16 pm

Savings of $60!

(OK...we'll do $80 since the season is more than half over)


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Las Vegas DeGenerates
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Sun Nov 15, 2015 6:17 pm

Its going to be a savings of $160 cause it aint going to happen again.


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Bergen Brawlers
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Mon Nov 16, 2015 10:59 am

Not sure if this is serious but it's actually a great idea.  Having beers and tacos with the Prez is good for the entrepreneurial spirit.


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Minnesota Eternals
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Mon Nov 16, 2015 11:05 am

Bergen Brawlers wrote:
Not sure if this is serious but it's actually a great idea.  Having beers and tacos with the Prez is good for the entrepreneurial spirit.

lol3


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Titletown Tyrants
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Mon Nov 16, 2015 11:06 am

Yeah, this is a fantastic idea. Corey, you are a genius. When Andy knocked you down the stairs he must have jarred something loose! laughing


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Baja Beatniks
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Mon Nov 16, 2015 11:09 am

Oh, I'm serious. Paypal: applicorey@yahoo.com or have Andy transfer from your bank balance! Together, we can work toward a brighter future!

Forgot to mention our deluxe package. For $2500.00, I will come to your location and literally hold your hand while you set your lineup on Sunday morning. vote yes


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Minnesota Eternals
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Mon Nov 16, 2015 11:13 am

Bahahaha


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Titletown Tyrants
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Mon Nov 16, 2015 11:57 am

Baja Beatniks wrote:
Oh, I'm serious.  Paypal: applicorey@yahoo.com or have Andy transfer from your bank balance!  Together, we can work toward a brighter future!

Forgot to mention our deluxe package.  For $2500.00, I will come to your location and literally hold your hand while you set your lineup on Sunday morning.  vote yes

Roster setting handholding is vastly underrated. I will look into it and get back to you. This sounds magical.


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Indiana Mayhem
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Mon Nov 16, 2015 12:23 pm

Oh brother........


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Morrison Minions
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Mon Nov 16, 2015 1:17 pm

Hmm. Free market is calling. I'll have to speak with my attorneys and get a competitive service on the market.

Brad, lets get the legal stuff figured out buddy.


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Baja Beatniks
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Mon Nov 16, 2015 1:31 pm

We will not be undersold!

steamroller


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Titletown Tyrants
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Mon Nov 16, 2015 1:34 pm

I want in on this. How much is it to invest? We can have an army of peeps out on the street walking from door to door in every neighborhood in America setting lineups at 11am on Sunday's. Opportunity knocks!


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Baja Beatniks
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Mon Nov 16, 2015 1:45 pm

Titletown Tyrants wrote:
I want in on this. How much is it to invest? We can have an army of peeps out on the street walking from door to door in every neighborhood in America setting lineups at 11am on Sunday's. Opportunity knocks!

After extensive research in building a business plan, our team discovered that this can only succeed in a league with monetary penalties for invalid lineups. The market is small, but we are happy to bring you in as an investor, Nick. You can have a 20% share for $500 and sit back cash the royalty checks. No labor required. Send your investment to the PayPal address above and I'll get a contract out to you. Thanks!


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Bergen Brawlers
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Mon Nov 16, 2015 1:46 pm

Titletown Tyrants wrote:
I want in on this. How much is it to invest? We can have an army of peeps out on the street walking from door to door in every neighborhood in America setting lineups at 11am on Sunday's. Opportunity knocks!

One of the prime places for you to set up your street team would be outside of churches.  When I used to go fairly often I would have to leave the house at 10:30 and wasn't able to get back onto a smartphone until 12:30 -- if I was lucky.


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Whiskey Creek Gadabouts
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Mon Nov 16, 2015 1:57 pm

Baja Beatniks wrote:
We will not be undersold!

steamroller


Hitchhiker: You heard of this thing, the 8-Minute Abs?
Ted: Yeah, sure, 8-Minute Abs. Yeah, the exercise video.
Hitchhiker: Yeah, this is going to blow that right out of the water. Listen to this: 7... Minute... Abs.
Ted: Right. Yes. OK, all right. I see where you're going.
Hitchhiker: Think about it. You walk into a video store, you see 8-Minute Abs sittin' there, there's 7-Minute Abs right beside it. Which one are you gonna pick, man?
Ted: I would go for the 7.
Hitchhiker: Bingo, man, bingo. 7-Minute Abs. And we guarantee just as good a workout as the 8-minute folk.
Ted: You guarantee it? That's - how do you do that?
Hitchhiker: If you're not happy with the first 7 minutes, we're gonna send you the extra minute free. You see? That's it. That's our motto. That's where we're comin' from. That's from "A" to "B".
Ted: That's right. That's - that's good. That's good. Unless, of course, somebody comes up with 6-Minute Abs. Then you're in trouble, huh?
[Hitchhiker convulses]
Hitchhiker: No! No, no, not 6! I said 7. Nobody's comin' up with 6. Who works out in 6 minutes? You won't even get your heart goin, not even a mouse on a wheel.
Ted: That - good point.


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Titletown Tyrants
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Mon Nov 16, 2015 2:01 pm

Baja Beatniks wrote:
Titletown Tyrants wrote:
I want in on this. How much is it to invest? We can have an army of peeps out on the street walking from door to door in every neighborhood in America setting lineups at 11am on Sunday's. Opportunity knocks!

After extensive research in building a business plan, our team discovered that this can only succeed in a league with monetary penalties for invalid lineups.  The market is small, but we are happy to bring you in as an investor, Nick.  You can have a 20% share for $500 and sit back cash the royalty checks.  No labor required.  Send your investment to the PayPal address above and I'll get a contract out to you.  Thanks!

Only $500 for 20% equity??? Wow, getting in at the ground floor is great, count me in. The street tuffs will charge on a per person basis and my investment will be made up in no time!

In all seriousness, in one of my leagues a guy started DeVante Freeman last week. He is on bye. Booted him out minutes ago because it was his 2nd time this year. You guys have me the courage!

ass kicking


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Bergen Brawlers
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Mon Nov 16, 2015 2:09 pm

I could have used this last week in a redraft league.  It's been a rough year and now every game counts.  I am on top of all of my MFL leagues, mostly because of the "Status in all my leagues" feature.  But this one is my only ESPN league and it's a nuisance to keep checking in.  I didn't realize until 6:45 last night that I didn't move my defense from my bench to the empty defense spot (because ESPN isn't smart enough to put my only defense in that spot as a default -- nor am I apparently) in my starting lineup.  The Houston defense is available and I do have Nugent as my kicker.  All other roster spots were locked when I noticed this.  Been going back and forth over whether I should put in Houston and get the Defense points or stick with the kicker.  Right now I'm leaning towards the kicker.


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New England Nineties
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Mon Nov 16, 2015 6:24 pm

How much for you to make lineup changes for me for game time decision players while I'm asleep in Australia? announce


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Baja Beatniks
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Mon Nov 16, 2015 6:33 pm

New England Nineties wrote:
How much for you to make lineup changes for me for game time decision players while I'm asleep in Australia? announce

Can I interest you in one of our approved wait-listers as a franchise co-owner?  $20
money


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Titletown Tyrants
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Mon Nov 16, 2015 6:34 pm

Baja Beatniks wrote:
New England Nineties wrote:
How much for you to make lineup changes for me for game time decision players while I'm asleep in Australia? announce

Can I interest you in one of our approved wait-listers as a franchise co-owner?  $20
money

Never in my life, have I felt more like a slave. laughing


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New England Nineties
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Mon Nov 16, 2015 6:35 pm

Co-owner wouldn't be the worst idea for me, but probably just by saying that I'm getting kicked out in 2016. laughing


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Morrison Minions
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Mon Nov 16, 2015 7:08 pm

Sanibel Gadabouts wrote:
Baja Beatniks wrote:
We will not be undersold!

steamroller


Hitchhiker: You heard of this thing, the 8-Minute Abs?
Ted: Yeah, sure, 8-Minute Abs. Yeah, the exercise video.
Hitchhiker: Yeah, this is going to blow that right out of the water. Listen to this: 7... Minute... Abs.
Ted: Right. Yes. OK, all right. I see where you're going.
Hitchhiker: Think about it. You walk into a video store, you see 8-Minute Abs sittin' there, there's 7-Minute Abs right beside it. Which one are you gonna pick, man?
Ted: I would go for the 7.
Hitchhiker: Bingo, man, bingo. 7-Minute Abs. And we guarantee just as good a workout as the 8-minute folk.
Ted: You guarantee it? That's - how do you do that?
Hitchhiker: If you're not happy with the first 7 minutes, we're gonna send you the extra minute free. You see? That's it. That's our motto. That's where we're comin' from. That's from "A" to "B".
Ted: That's right. That's - that's good. That's good. Unless, of course, somebody comes up with 6-Minute Abs. Then you're in trouble, huh?
[Hitchhiker convulses]
Hitchhiker: No! No, no, not 6! I said 7. Nobody's comin' up with 6. Who works out in 6 minutes? You won't even get your heart goin, not even a mouse on a wheel.
Ted: That - good point.

I knew my attorney would come through. We will ensure your QB position is set every week with the following price guide.

None - $4 per season
Bonus - $9 per season
Double bonus - $24 per season
Triple bonus - $49 per season

These are the best prices on the market. Even cheaper than an offer you will get out of Baza.


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Minnesota Eternals
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Mon Nov 16, 2015 8:30 pm

This thread is great laughs.


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San Francisco Golddiggers
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Mon Nov 16, 2015 11:09 pm

Actually depressing for me that people have put us into a spot of having a thread like this. Even in a redraft fun league it would still piss me off if this happened. Checking your lineup once on Thursday and on Saturday takes a5 minutes.


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Mohawk Ridge Marauders
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Tue Nov 17, 2015 9:18 am

I could always setup a posting service...

troll


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Baja Beatniks
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Tue Nov 17, 2015 9:37 am

Mohawk Ridge Marauders wrote:
I could always setup a posting service...

troll

Haha. I thought about that. Start warning guys about five days out from the end of the month when they were short of the minimum. That one actually made me really sad thinking about. Needed much more than lineup service.


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Titletown Tyrants
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Tue Nov 17, 2015 9:49 am

Mohawk Ridge Marauders wrote:
I could always setup a posting service...

troll

"HAHA, I will hover over your fingers and make you type. You will get to that low 30 mark no problem for 3 easy payments of $29.99. Contact us, 1-866-NOLAZYS"


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Mohawk Ridge Marauders
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Tue Nov 17, 2015 9:50 am

Baja Beatniks wrote:
Mohawk Ridge Marauders wrote:
I could always setup a posting service...

troll

Haha.  I thought about that.  Start warning guys about five days out from the end of the month when they were short of the minimum.  That one actually made me really sad thinking about.  Needed much more than lineup service.

Sounds like a joint business opportunity to explore!


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Titletown Tyrants
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Tue Nov 17, 2015 10:03 am

Mohawk Ridge Marauders wrote:
Baja Beatniks wrote:
Mohawk Ridge Marauders wrote:
I could always setup a posting service...

troll

Haha.  I thought about that.  Start warning guys about five days out from the end of the month when they were short of the minimum.  That one actually made me really sad thinking about.  Needed much more than lineup service.

Sounds like a joint business opportunity to explore!  

As owner of 20% I have a say in this. We will give you 10% stake in our business for $5,000 cash and 500 WB's. Sounds pretty cut and dry to me.


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Bergen Brawlers
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Tue Nov 17, 2015 10:08 am

It seems like the person that could offer one-stop shopping for roster and message-board management would have the edge here.


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Naperville Divine
 
 
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PostSubject: Re: Beatniks' Handholding Service   Tue Nov 17, 2015 4:37 pm

Will you make someone input their home address in case you need to send in Rocco and Moose to help the person find their wallet?


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